I could have many titles for this post:
The sadness surfaced
First Day of School
I settled on thankful, because that has been my overwhelming emotion lately.
When I was "younger" (in high school, because I am still young:) I had read a study that stated a majority of successful people set goals. Not only do they set goals, they actually write them out and the steps it will take to achieve them. After reading that I wrote a goal (keep in mind I was about to graduate from high school),
Goal: Graduate from college. In four years.
OK, so it wasn't anything super exciting, but the decisions I made during college were made so I could reach my goal. I started at a junior college and began immediately, enrolling in summer school. A year and a half later when I was ready to transfer I kept hearing, "Due to your major you may not always get the classes you need, therefore expect to be here three years." My major, and apparently everyone else in school, was Business Administration. That issue was a stumbling block for my goal, so I went to a private university and finished in 4 years.
I find the power of writing fascinating. When I write about a wonderful moment or something exciting we've done, it's an opportunity to relive the joy and happiness from that experience. It seems to imprint the memory deeper into my heart. When I write about something that makes me angry or sad, I can feel the release of those emotions and the negative energy flows right out as I type. All of the sudden, I feel better.
THE SADNESS SURFACED
A few weeks ago Kamryn was evaluated by a psychologist to determine if she would remain eligible for services other than speech therapy and adaptive PE she is receiving. The psychologist was very warm and friendly (not the impression I usually have when I think of a psychologist). I immediately recognized the faint accent in his voice and I asked if he was from the Midwest. He was from Illinois, and not only did he look like an Uncle of mine, he sounded like him too. For what ever reason that relaxed me.
I was asked a series of questions, personal and general. and then it was Kamryn's turn. She sat right next to me, alone in her adult chair. It was odd to see my little girls feet dangling from the chair, her arms up on the desk, and her hands folded. She looked liked she was on a job interview. She was actually leaning forward as if she were ready and eager to participate.
Being there, at that appointment, in that room, the sadness began to surface. This is the "part" that I don't like and still struggle with. The reminder that Kamryn has Down syndrome. It's not that she has Down syndrome that bothers me, it's that sometimes I still feel sad about it. Yes, it still hurts. This day the sadness surfaced and my heart was heavy.
Then he began his questions:
"What is your name?"
"How old are you?"
"What color is grass?"
"Can you name some animals?"
"How many sisters do you have?"
There were many questions and some manipulative testing too. For example, he took 8 blocks, set them up in a specific way and handed her 8 blocks. Then he asked her to set them up like he had. As this interview progressed, I could feel myself getting warm and I started to focus on holding back the tears. You know the tears, the slow ones, the kind that just slowly well up in your eyes. There is no heavy breathing or huffing and puffing. Just tears. I felt like I was in the wrong place for a second..I couldn't believe I was sitting there having my daughter interviewed to determine her developmental delay. I couldn't believe Kamryn had Down syndrome. For a few seconds I thought maybe I was dreaming and that this whole "thing" wasn't happening.
Then, it was over. As we walked out Kamryn placed her purse over her shoulder, looked up at me with a huge smile and said, "Yogurt Creations?" I looked down at her and all the sadness vanished and I said, "Yes, Yogurt Creations."
Sitting with her, watching her enjoy her yogurt I was reminded (again) that Down syndrome doesn't matter. Sometimes there is sadness, but everyday I have beautiful, tiny, simple moments that remind me what is important and what matters. Honestly, what is better than sitting outside with your daughter, on a warm sunny day, enjoying some yogurt? When you can take life and break it down into it's purest most simple form...you will find true happiness in each day. I am so thankful I have that.
TROUBLE...she has earned the name. The other day I turned on the shower, went into my closet for a second, and came out to this...
The other day she went missing...look where we found her!
OK, I call her TROUBLE, but she is so darn CUTE!:)
The past two weeks we have had sick kids. Anytime you have a sick child, all the balls you are juggling begin to drop. Usually one by one. At least that is what happens in my house. The past two weeks I have been busy picking up one ball at a time and tossing it back into the air. As soon as I do that, another one drops and it becomes a constant cycle of feeling like it's all falling apart.
But it's really not. It just feels that way. Today all the girls are healthy and everyone will be back in school tomorrow and for now all the balls will be in the air again.
The 5th grader.
The 2nd grader.
KINDERGARTEN! Another baby of
mine has started school!
Everyday you can find tiny, wonderful moments and something to be thankful for. When I have my sad moments, which are rare, I am thankful for them too. When they are gone, I always feel stronger. Thankful is how I feel lately. Thankful for my husband, thankful for my children, thankful for my mom and friends, just thankful for life.
Life is truly beautiful.