The title above, that is how I feel. When I received Kamryn's diagnosis, the day after she was born, it shattered me emotionally. The first year of her life I was internally in pieces. I have come a long way from where I was. I have, for the most part, "accepted" that Kamryn has Down syndrome. I use quotes with the word acceptance because I did not take it willingly. Better than acceptance is that I no longer see her "Down syndrome." I just see my daughter. Her big, beautiful brown eyes (just like her sisters), her smile that seems to light up the room, her ever emerging personality. She is just as amazing as her sisters, just as unique and just as different. They are all so different. Down syndrome doesn't consume me like it did the first year of her life. In fact, it is a very small part of our lives. However, raising a child that has something extra, does bring something extra to parenting. IFSP is one of them. And for me it is a fat reminder that Kamryn has Down syndrome.
The IFSP (Individualized Family Service Plan), something I don't do with my other girls. Something you do when you have a child with "special needs" (I haven't decided if I like that term). You meet with your case worker and your child's therapists to review where your child is with physical and developmental milestones. Then, you develop goals that you and the therapists will work on for the next 6 months. (That is my short version of the IFSP, for my family and friends). We have Kamryn's IFSP meeting tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. It is a reminder that things are different, that raising Kamryn is a little bit different.
The flip side. Times are so much better now than several years ago. I should appreciate what is taking place tomorrow. I do, but it still hurts. But I can take it, because she is so worth it.