I did not want this to be my 2nd post. I thought about just skipping it altogether. However, I promised myself if I was going to blog, I was going to be honest and real. We had a great day yesterday afternoon. The girls made cut-out sugar cookies and dyed Easter eggs. Then my mom came up to stay with them while Diondray and I went Easter shopping and out for a late dinner. It was a great day. As Diondray and I were getting into bed I began to cry. It was a soft cry and he only heard because my nose started to run and I began to sniff. He asked me what was wrong and I said "at this moment I feel sad." Then he asked me what I was thinking about and I said "don't say she will walk and next year she will be walking....because I know that. I just never thought that I would be taking our 20-month old to an Easter egg hunt tomorrow and she wouldn't be walking or running to collect eggs." (Kamryn can pull to stand and cruise. She has even taken two steps, but she isn't walking). It's a moment that comes from out of the blue. I feel this sadness that I don't want to feel. But it is real. I haven't had a moment like that in awhile, a moment when I actually cried. He put his hand on mine and said, "it's ok to be sad." I laid there for awhile before falling a sleep.All the girls had so much fun at the Easter egg hunt today. And I didn't feel a hint of sadness. Even better, I read Monica's post tonight at http://www.monicacrumley.blogspot.com/ and I saw her little guy running to collect eggs! It made me smile! Look at her face....I have so many reasons to smile!
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ReplyDeleteYour feelings are SO real...& you need to let them out! With our special little people, everything is about time! Which, if you think about it is so perfect! Our typical babies grow up so fast, you blink your eyes and they are off to something new. Our special little people take their time, they do things at their pace, not the pace the world tells them to! I think it’s super cool (I may have to blog about this) lol! If it makes you feel even a little bit better, know that I am taking an 18 month old out today to hunt Easter eggs & he can barely crawl! He has a little "kickstand scoot" that he does! But that's ok, because he's a rock star at other things! We can't have it all...right?! All I can tell you is what helps me...when you catch yourself starting to dwell on the negatives, focus on the positives! Or, just cry! I do that too! I hope you have a great Easter! Kiss those BEAUTIFUL babies of yours!
ReplyDeleteOops...sorry, had to delete my 1st post, too many type-o's! We have a wireless keyboard, I think the batteries are dead!! ;)
*gasp* Kamryn is BREATHTAKING! She's grown soooo much and I think really looks a lot like Brynn is this photo.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to those feelings, Andrea. They come and go, y'know. But think back to this time last year and how less frequent those moments are. This next year is gonna be awesome.
Now I'm wishing that I had taken M on an Easter egg hunt. Oops.
Thanks, Andrea. BIG HUGS to you. It is OK to feel sad now and then, as long as you can still pull yourself out of it and see the joy in what you DO have. You have a gorgeous family. Kamryn is really one of the prettiest girls I've EVER seen. REALLY! She is so full of life and like Chrystal says, those feelings may come and go. I wish John Michael could tell me his feelings, but sometimes he sporadically signs LOVE and says Mama and that makes it all OK. Love the photo of Kamryn. Next year will be different. But don't forget to enjoy the beauty in the day to day. happy easter.
ReplyDeleteYes...I know those moments and it's ok to be vulnerable and sad and thank God for your wonderful husband who is there to support you and now all of us too! Joaquin is not walking but let me tell you...because we have had to wait so long...we are going to be CELEBRATING when he does. Right now seeing him get into a stand position on his own is just mesmerizing and joyful. It's so true...our other children speed through their milestones and with our special babies we get to just enjoy every single one as they come in their own perfect time :)! BIG HUG!!!!
ReplyDeletewe've all been there. In fact, just yesterday I found myself in tears as well. We may find ourselves in pieces from time to time. We just need to make sure we can pick ourselves back up...and we always do ;)
ReplyDeleteDitto on all the comments... we all have moments when it hits us (again). But you are truly amazing in how you are raising your girls, how well K is doing, and how strong you are as a family! Living in the moment is good (it helps us enjoy our children for who they are!), but never forget to look to the future and remind yourself about how amazing K is going to be :) XOXOXO
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