For me, fear of the unknown was just one reason I was emotionally paralyzed after her diagnosis. I was able to compose myself during the day and I had a few friends and acquaintances say, "you are handling this with so much grace." I took that as a huge compliment and then I would think.....if they only new.
At night, I sobbed. Almost every night. I stopped sobbing at 5 months. I honestly think I just ran out of tears because I didn't start to feel again until she was about one.
I went to worst case scenario with her....Will she walk? Will she talk? Will she get cancer? Will she be sick? Will she listen? What will our life be like? How can I do this? How can I raise my three girls and a baby with special needs? How?
The feelings and fear were overwhelming. Over time, many of my fears have diminished. Actually, most of my fears are just rational now. I am fearful of some real life situations we may find ourselves in, but I realize that life is happening one day at a time. We will cross any bridges we need to, when we get to them. For now, I just enjoy each day.
So, in the mornings I usually shower before I get Kamryn out of her crib and before anyone else is up. Today, the aroma coming from her room was so strong that I couldn't leave her in that condition or place. After about 25 wipes she was fresh and clean and I figured she could hang out in my bathroom while I took a quick shower. I brought in some books and toys. They worked for most my shower.
Just as I was getting out I see this......
I panic, because in the split second I can see her, I just know she is up, on the stool and that is not safe!
Then my eyes move up to this......
OK, I jumped out of the shower, grabbed my phone off the night stand and started to take pictures. This moment, this was one of those moments! The fear I mentioned, sometimes it comes back and it is irrational....this moment, this wipes that fear right of the table. It makes me balk at all the negative and stupid (for lack of a better word) things I have read, heard and been told about Down syndrome. It almost makes me want to write a book. This baby, my daughter, she has Down syndrome and she is amazing! TAKE THAT!
Today is Saturday, so of course we were at the soccer field. From 8;30 - 3:00.
She is the BEST mom and Grandma in the WORLD!
I got a picture of Kamryn kicking the ball. I may just add this to my book! :)
The day was beautiful....
We ended with pizza. Isn't she just toooo cute! - A day in our life.